Once upon a time, there lived a beauuuuuutiful princess, who lived in a beauuuuutiful castle, atop a beautiful hill, and her name was Princess Consuela Bananahammock. She touched a falling star for some fairytale-related reason, and was transported to a strange and terrifying place (known colloquially as the bathroom of Ralph’s Rock Diner). She has adopted this new land as her own, and shares with all of her subjects her love, and kindness, and friendship, and fart jokes. Her favorite things are glitter, mail-order leggings, and butts. Her least favorite things are misogyny, pepperoni pizza, and El Redikuloso de Verdad. She won the title more times than anybody whose name doesn’t rhyme with “Bleeablo Blazul” and also a couple push-up contests. In case you were wondering, she always lives happily ever after. The end.